Kievgid

If you had told me 10 or 15 years ago that I would want to give up the corporate world to spend more time with my kids I would have said you were crazy. I grew up wanting to conquer the world, to take over the male dominated corporate boardrooms and rise to the top.

This change in my priorities has occurred slowly over the last 5 years. During my first pregnancy, I believed I would not take my full maternity leave, and I actually told my employer that - thank goodness he did not hold me to that statement.

When I had my daughter I discovered a brand new career that I found very fulfilling, something I had never considered before…being a mom. I ended up using every day of my maturity leave enjoying my new career and I dreaded having to go back to work. However, the mortgage needed to get paid and so I did what millions of women before me have done….I went back to the…job.

My heart broke with my daughter?s comments of …Mommy, you love work more than me!, and …Mommy! Do not go! How do you explain why to a toddler who can not understand the logic behind that decision?

I actually started to enjoy parts of my job again once the emotions settled down and a new routine was established. One day it dawned on me that I actually liked using my business brain again but my ambition for the corporate world was gone forever. I had finally found satisfaction in being who I was, because in my daughter’s eyes I was president of her world and how can you top that?

The second time around I knew and my employer knew I would take every day off that was allowed to me. I found being a mom to two rug rats chaotic and wonderful.

The time at home also allowed me to bond with my daughter again. She was not used to me being at home full time and while at daycare she was her own independent person. I felt like there were a million new things that we had to learn about each other.

As the leave concluded, I was expecting the dread feeling to return, but it didn’t. I assumed that I would return and get the same job satisfaction again, but I was wrong.

Whether it was my employer or whether it was me, I do not know what changed but something did. I was putting my time in at my job but I was bored and it no longer felt as if I was using my brain in a productive manner. Coupled with the standard mommy guilt about leaving my kids every day and I soon became an unhappy mommy… I felt that I was not doing anything right and I was failing at everything.

It took me a couple of months to figure out what was wrong. The first time back I had lost my corporate ambition, and the second time around I had lost the desire to fit into the standard 8-5 working routine of the corporate world. What I wanted was to be at home with my kids but I knew I would need an outlet to challenge myself. I finally found what I was looking for - the best of two worlds - I started my own home based company called Growing Growing Gone which is an online kids clothing store.

The decision to be a mom at home and a mom-preneur was an extremely personal one. In my heart I knew there had to be a middle ground between the corporate career woman and not being that person. I have embarked on a whole new set of challenges as I work to make this a realistic reality. No matter what the outcome I fully believe that a happy mommy is a better mommy and that is what I am right now.